Prawn Cocktail

Although I hate reiterating recipes, something needs to be done about prawn cocktail. Recently, perhaps a few months ago, I took a trip with my family to a lovely local gastro-pub called the Boathouse. Yes, this does mean their speciality is fish. However, I came across an atrocity before we even hit drinks- prawn cocktail with 'Bloody Mary' sauce. I have to say I don't want to meet the Bloody Moron who came up with that; how on earth are humble little prawns supposed to stand up against vodka and celery salt? It was this, noticing subsequent restaurants not even offering the beloved starter on their menues; and a read of Nigel Slater's 'Toast' that addresses how magical the dish was in its in heyday that prompted to tell you again how to make a quintessential, though never groundbreaking, prawn cocktail. Isn't the world in enough of a state as is without it being forgotten?
The foundations of a good prawn cocktail is where we start. I've always used iceberg, despite its reputation, and always will, and recommend you always do, too. The starter hales from pre-seventies and iceberg didn't actually appear in British grocery shops until the eighties. What they would have used are little baby gems, roughly shredded. You could do the same, but for me, their slightly rubbery texture is already covered by the prawns and they just don't stay as crisp after being swathed with Mary Rose sauce. Use about a quarter of a small head of iceberg to feed 4-6 and shred it very finely. Then, as if making a comfy nest, line the bottom of some pretty glass bowls or wide glasses with the lettuce. If you insist on going for the little gems, a fabulous touch that deviates outside of tradition, though still comfortably, is to use the leaves of the lettuce as boats and spoon in a delicate pile of prawns in the centre of each bit of lettuce. These can be popped straight in the mouth with no cutlery business.
Next we're onto sauce. I don't need to harp on anymore about how the only sauce a prawn cocktail should ever witness should be Mary Rose. This entails firstly 6 heaping tbsp of mayonnaise or salad cream. Lots of people, people probably more qualified than me, will tell you to make your own mayo. You can if you want, but for 99% of Britain, 6 tbsp mayonnaise means opening a jar of Hellman's, so that's what I do. Next you need 1 tbsp of rich, intense tomato puree. Dollop it in with great aplomb. After that, for a bit of heat, slash in some tabasco which is entirely to taste but obviously go slow-that stuff is vicious. Next you need the juice of just half a lemon for now and then give it all a gentle stir- it doesn't take much for them to amalgamate. The next crucial beyond crucial step is to taste it. Add more lemon, more tabasco, more tomato or more salt if it needs it, but also it's really important to have the confidence to say at this point that it's perfect as it is.
Now for the prawns. This is where people go the most mad. Long-haul imported, thawed, big-toe sized tiger prawns just don't play here as they would in a more new age recipe. Go for fresh water, small, delicate little commas (as I've read them described) and 200g of them; buy them ready cooked from the fridge or freezer section of the supermarket. Fold them into the sauce and then dollop the cocktail into the cluster of prepared lettuce. Finally, for a bit of zazz, sprinkle with sweet smoked prapika or even better for taste and even better to show the light 80s influence on this recipe, lightly crushed pink peppercorns.