Roast Leg of Lamb with Toast and Mushy Peas

I love having a diverse repertoire of Sunday lunches- it makes me feel that bit more British. But don't worry, this isn't an attempt to be achingly patriotic (i.e, I haven't tried combining a roast dinner with the shamefully delicious snot that accompanies fish and chips) it's just a lovely alternative to the slightly laborious original. Having said that, all that is diverse here is the accompaniments, I haven't fiddled with a roast leg of lamb because, trust me, it doesn't need it.

If you wanted to you could make this sound fancy and call the sides croutons and pea puree, but George Orwell once said to never use a long word when a short one will do so I found these nursery names suggested by my Grandmother charming. 

1)In a large roasting tin, place a leg of lamb over 6 bruised garlic cloves and a few sprigs of rosemary, and then adorn the top with the same. Juice a lemon over it and throw in the husk with it, and drizzle everything with 2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce and 4 of red vermouth or port. Place in a 200 degree oven for 20 minutes, then reduce the heat to 170 and cook for another 45 minutes to an hour until only a dribble of pink remains when the thickest area of the joint is pierced with a knife.

2)Leave it to rest wrapped in foil whilst you prepare the sides. 

3)For the cubes of toast you really need good bread. To do this I usually make a loaf on the quickest cycle on my bread machine, but you could buy one or make it the night before. I'd suggest white because you can't get wholemeal roast potatoes. 

4)Cube them into inch squared dice, drizzle with garlic-infused olive oil and sprinkle with coarse salt and pepper then roast in the 200 degree oven which doesn't need to be preheated as it should be still hot from the lamb. They need about 15 minutes until crisp and golden. 

5)For the mushy peas, boil 500g frozen peas until just tender in boiling water infused with two bay leaves and a peeled clove of garlic. Drain the peas but keep the water as it's useful to thin the puree until it's your desired consistency. Fish out the leaves but keep the garlic, then blend with 3 tbsp (or as much as the consistency of your desire) creme fraiche or mascarpone or even cottage cheese, a pinch or more of white pepper, some freshly grated nutmeg, a good pinch dried mint, salt, freshly grated parmesan (a fair amount I'd say about 3 tbsp but don't bother to measure) and some chopped fresh mint or parsley or both. When smooth, set into a nice serving plate.

6)To make a quick, flour-free gravy, de-glaze the lamb's roasting tin with 100ml red vermouth, a knob of butter, some finely chopped rosemary, a beef or lamb stock cube, salt and pepper and more boiling water until you have more gravy than you need. Boil until reduced to a more syrupy thickness. 

7)Serve bejewelled with redcurrant jelly. Lots of it.

Crispy Hoisin Duck with Pancakes

It's a toss up between whether serving duck the French way, with a glossy orange sauce, or this way, everyone's favourite starter in a Chinese Restaurant is a better option. Either way, they both observe that the rich, fatty flavour of duck doesn't need much help, and you shouldn't either when recreating this dish at home.
Hoisin sauce is easy to come by and it's a useful thing to keep in the larder for Asian cooking, and if you intend to cook this often (a good idea given how much Gressingham ducks seem to be on sale recently) you can take a jaunt to an Asian grocery and buy the frozen pancakes. Both are surprisingly very cheap and even if you can't find the pancakes use tortillas.
There is an entirely optional but great step that you can take to ensure your duck has unctuously crisp skin and melting flesh, hijacked from a certain Simon Hopkinson and his Christmas goose. Puncture the skin lightly with a skewer and pour over boiling water. Dry the skin really well and leave the duck out at room temperature so the skin is really parchmenty and dry, then continue with the recipe from step 1. The skin does really need to be devoid of any moisture, so it's useful to do this the night before and leave it uncovered in the fridge or set a gentle electric fan by it for an hour, turning regularly. Sounds bizarre, but not as bizarre as using a bicycle pump to separate the skin from the meat which you will come across sometimes with crispy duck.
1)Set a large duck over a rack over a roasting tin (the rack mostly comes with the roasting tin anyway- if not, then just use one of the oven racks set over the roasting tin). Sprinkle the skin with 2 tsp Chinese five spice powder (legs, back everything) then sprinkle with a little salt and lots of pepper in and out of the cavity. Slow cook for a good five hours at a low 150 degrees oven. The duck will render liquid gold as it cooks- the duck fat that leeches from it is magical and should be saved in a jar to make fabulously crisp roast potatoes and hashes.
2)Take the duck out to rest, whilst you prepare the veg. Traditional is cucumber and spring onion, but cucumber aggravates my stomach massively so I use slices of avocado topped with lime juice and sea salt. Spring onions are okay. Shredded romaine lettuce is also nice.
3)Shred the duck with two forks (or a pair of asbestos hands) and serve with the thawed pancakes steamed briefly in a bamboo steamer, and plenty of hoisin sauce. Shaved ginger works well, as does some sliced plums. Go with whatever your soul sings (if you're lucky enough to have one).

Amarula Tiramisu

You should find in your life that if you eat out regularly or throw dinner parties (as I have done here) many, many people suffer from tiramisitis- a heavy bias bordering on addiction towards the coffee dessert when choosing the last course at restaurants. Obviously, since as humans we're disgusting inhospitable creatures, you're not going to provide a dessert menu when cooking in your own home. Therefore, provide a simpler to make than you think tiramisu, and watch your guests wolf it down.
I myself am a devastating sufferer of tiramisitis and thus I'm starting to develop a worrying amount of tiramisu recipes. My back-of-the-packet recipe is very plain and very good, but sometimes you need it jazzing up. This is the way to do it- buy a bottle of a luscious African cream liqueur called Amarula, if you can't get it use Bailey's but it's quite easy to find in supermarkets now, then tar your mascarpone and savoirardi with a brown envelope tone and imbue everything with a warm, spiced alcoholic flavour.
1)Combine 350ml strong fresh cooled coffee with 100ml amarula and 2 tbsp dark rum. Soak some savoiardi or regular sponge fingers in it (hard to measure how many because it depends on the dimensions of the glass dish your filling) until they're really saturated, then carefully use them to line the base of a glass dish around 22cm^2. Set aside while you prepare the cream.
2)Separate 2 eggs, and whisk the whites until stiff.
3)In a separate bowl, whisk the yolks with 90g brown sugar until pale and creamy, then fold in 500g mascarpone that's at room temperature and 50ml more amarula. When smooth, fold in the whites until everything is smooth.
4)Spread half the cream over the sponge fingers, then repeat step 1 and this step and smooth over the top cream.
5)Leave to set covered overnight in the fridge then before you serve top with 200g toasted Brazil nuts mixed with 50g cocoa powder, then using a fine sieve dust with more cocoa. Use some kitchen roll to carefully wipe the rim of the dish.

Keralan Fish Curry with Mango and Tamarind

You may be unfamiliar, as I was for a while, with South Indian cuisine. For some reason, it is extremely different from Northern Indian food, being, in my opinion, more similar to Thai curries; coconut milk based, with lighter, but more emphatic sweet and sour flavours. The dish I based this particular curry on is called 'meen manga' and is soured from the flavour of underripe mangoes, but using them would hurt my soul, not least because I hate the grassy flavour of an unripe mango. Instead, I use a ripe mango, in fact here so ripe that instead of chopping into neat cubes although normally I would cut two slices on either side of the stone and use a glass to push the flesh from each slice from the skin, I simply mangled the chopped fruit, getting juice, pulp and flecks of flesh. To get the sour element, I used tamarind concentrate, but you could use the block you have to dissolve in water, but it's a bit more of a pain. If you opted for that camp, you'll need to probably triple the mass as it's not concentrated.
1)This step is common in almost all curries, (but this comes from a person who makes a spiced stew from leftover meat and calls it curry) you make a base with one sliced onion, and sauté it with whatever flavours are appropriate. Here, you need 3cm finely shredded ginger, 3 crushed garlic cloves and 2 green chillies, finely chopped. It's up to you if you leave the seeds in or not.
2)Whilst the onions are softening, coat 4 small white fish fillets (450g cod, hake, basa etc) that have been chunked thickly in 1 1/2 tsp ground turmeric and the same of cumin, plus some salt. You may want to use washing up gloves for this to keep your hands from looking like your liver's given up. Leave to marinate whilst you prepare the rest of the curry.
3)Add very simple spices to the onions- 2 tsp ground coriander, a pinch or more (if you dare) of chilli flakes and a small handful of curry leaves.
4)Make a sauce with a 400ml tin coconut milk, 1 2/3 (1 tbsp and 2 tsp) tamarind concentrate, and bring it up to a litre with fish stock. Add to the onions, and simmer it but don't let it come to a rolling boil or the coconut milk may separate. It probably will anyway to be frank but no need to shatter the emulsion. Once simmering add 3 small or 2 large mangoes, prepared as above.Add your fish and 2 mangoes prepared as above. Once they're done squeeze any juice or pulp from the stones and then, as your cook's treat, scrape the buttery flesh from the stone with your teeth. Let it simmer for about half an hour. At this stage you can turn the heat off and reheat the curry as and when you need it, adding the fish last minute.
5)Before you serve, add the fish and cook until just tender, about 4 minutes.
5)Serve over tender rice and the finely chopped coriander leaves. I added some frozen peas and green beans to this, but looking back I really don't think it needed it.

DEATH BY CHURROS! (and a little salad but whatever)

If you have a death wish for your family, this recipe may be the kindest way of going about it. Deep fried strips of doughnut, coated in cinnamon sugar and dipped in velvety chocolate-peanut butter sauce. It's unbelievable how far the human race has come in health and well-being and somehow these lethal morsels are still allowed?! And miraculously, compared to their plump, pompous cousin the doughnut, they are light and dangerously easy to chow down.
If you fancy a light main beforehand (and VERY light) I make a Morrocan-inspired prawn salad. Simply cook a packet of raw frozen prawns in a little oil and orange zest, whilst dissolving a pinch of saffron in the orange juice in a small pan over a light heat, throwing it into the prawns with a pinch of ground cumin, a crushed clove of garlic and some paprika and then tossing over some romaine lettuce and pomegranate seeds that have been lightly dressed with golden rapeseed oil. A little pinch of sumac over the top lifts this even higher.
1)In a small pan, melt 75g dark chocolate into 100ml sour cream, 3 tbsp rich smooth peanut butter (I use Reese's) and 2 tbsp golden syrup until smooth. Switch off the heat and add a splash of milk so it reaches a more pourable consistency. Leave to cool.
2)Set a large, moderately large pan of vegetable oil on to a gentle heat.
3)Heat 300ml water and 100ml flavourless vegetable oil (such as sunflower) until boiling, then briskly beat in 140g plain flour until you have a smooth ball of dough. It will look very bizarre. Leave to cool for 10 minutes before beating in two eggs, 1 at a time. It takes some elbow grease to get it completely smooth.
4)Place a piping bag fitted with a star nozzle into a large jug or glass, and fill it with the batter. Squeeze into the bottom of the bag.
5)Test a small bit of dough in the oil. It should sizzle, but not madly and will brown in around 30 seconds. If it is too hot, switch it off until cooler then set over a heat again.
6)Squeeze strips of about 5 inches (any longer and they will be quite difficult to flip in the oil) into the oil, using a knife to cut the end of dough off. Cook for about 2 minutes, flipping a few times. This will take multiple batches.
7)Transfer to kitchen paper, then roll in 50g caster sugar mixed with 2 tsp ground cinnamon. Serve plunged precariously into the warm chocolate sauce.

Not-really-rib-sticking Moroccan Lamb Ribs

It seems wrong, somehow to start a recipe with 'not', but I'd like to clarify first off when this meal is appropriate, and when it (sadly) often isn't. When it is appropriate is when you're not in the mood for something vastly heavy, simply down to the fact that lamb ribs don't offer much meat but they do offer lots of melting fat and bags of flavour, and for when you want a messy, hands-on supper that seems to evoke a really lively family atmosphere. I wouldn't recommend this for when you're utterly ravishing, need a meal you can eat in mere seconds by shoveling goo out of a bowl. It happens a lot, I suppose.
Anyway, enough of that, I need to explain why you haven't been living properly yet. Lamb ribs are a well kept secret amongst supermarkets- these ugly, cheap cuts are not commonly eaten or sold, and thus you will have to do some digging; once you've got past those leaner than lean fillets and legs, you may be lucky to find a set of lamb ribs. More tender and flavoursome than beef ones, and cheap enough to allow the expense of the Moroccan spices that are used not to mask the grotesque looking meat (as would have been done historically to peasant food) but to adorn them. If all you can find is a lamb rib that's just one big rack, it's worth the effort of chopping them up.
I serve this with my light, Middle-Eastern inspired chickpea salad- two chopped celery ribs (we're on a theme here aren't we?), one diced avocado with its anti-aging cream-lemon juice, a drained tin of chickpeas dressed with 2 tbsp each tahini and yoghurt and enough salt, paprika and caraway/cumin seeds to bring pep but not heat.
1)You'll need a whole jar of Moroccan harissa paste (about 75g). You can get it easily in supermarkets but if you're lucky enough to buy from a specialist shop, do. It may even be cheaper. To this, add 1 tbsp dark soy sauce, 1 tsp ground allspice, 1 tsp ground cinnamon and 2 of whole cumin seeds.
2)Use your first rib to stir these together, then coat each one (have about 3 per person) in the spice mixture and transfer to a hot grill. They need a mere 5 minutes a side, enough to cook through but remain tender and certainly enough to make the harissa caramelise slightly.

Pasta Puttanesca (how's your father)

I can't tell you how long I've been waiting to post this recipe. It's true, I'm quite an immature person so a cheap and inexplicably easy pasta recipe that translates to 'pasta cooked in the whore's way' is immensely entertaining to me. I'm not joking- 'puttana' is Italian for whore/slut and there are numerous explanations for this vulgar name- it is salty, strong flavoured, quick to make, and (most importantly to its slutty origins) can be made from store cupboard staples that come in tins or jars. This means the dish can be prepared easily and quickly after a bit of drinking and how's your father.
I'm not done yet; my friend is an incredibly hilarious soul who gave me a box of penis-shaped pasta that one is supposedly to enlarge in a steamy pan of salty water. Perfect for this sauce? Right? Well aside from tastelessness value, no, this is supposed to be served with spaghetti, but a bowl of bellends seem just as perfect to soak up those salty juices. One more thing, then you can put me down: please buy unpitted black olives for this, those big black balls taste much better with the hard bit inside.
1)In a large pan of well-salted boiling water, tumble in 200g penis pasta (to serve 4) and set a timer to 8 minutes.
2)Crush 2 cloves of garlic into a well-oiled pan (the oil must be cold to prevent the garlic burning) and add 1/2 tsp dried chilli flakes. Switch on a gentle heat, then add 8 good-quality anchovy fillets. If you have a wooden fork on hand, use it here to help the anchovies almost dissolve in the hot oil.
3)Add 1 tin chopped tomatoes and half fill the tin with water and add that too. Bring to the boil, then turn down the heat and add 100g whole black olives and 1 tbsp capers. To balance the tart tomatoes, add a pinch of sugar and 1 tsp balsamic vinegar (or if your capers were stored in vinegar use that). Simmer gently until the pasta is cooked.
4)Before you drain the pasta, reserve about 1/2 cup of the starchy water it was cooked in. Drain the pasta and toss into the sauce. Add enough water to loosen it, and a small knob (sorry) of butter.
5)Leave to stand for a few minutes before sprinkling with chopped fresh parsley and serving to a tolerant family.

Paella 2.0

I've made paella before, many many times, but only once did I write it down and post it here. In the same post I arrogantly belittled Lorraine Pascale's recipe for paella, and somehow supposed that my recipe was any better? A few days later, in the same haste that I posted the recipe, I deleted it because I simply knew in my heart it was rubbish. Risotto-esque and gluey in texture, with a weak flavour and ugly demeanour. In fact, I had lost all confidence in the recipe when I added the blurry photo to the post. Utter rubbish; but this self-criticism doesn't mean the objective of this post is to outdo myself, nor is it an attempt to change the view of paella, in or outside of Spain (I mean, hell, how would I manage that?!) This is just what I think:
Paella is a famed Spanish dish of saffron-dyed rice, chicken (or in many parts of Spain rabbit or snail) and seafood. Sounds very simple, but somehow any recipe posted by someone outside of Spain becomes the subject of enormous controversy, with many complaining that the recipe should be banned because of its dissimilarity to the original. Since when was cooking that black and white? Possibly because Spanish food seems to be constantly overshadowed by Italian or Mexican, frankly, many chefs in Spain are precious about their famed rice dish. In my humble opinion, you can't really call any one paella recipe correct given that its origins come from all over Spain, and many different parts have created many different recipes of it. However, there are some underlying rules that I (in the most part) have tried to follow.
Pascale's recipe, which I derided (although not as heavily as some paella-preserving-keyboard-warriors) seemed to observe none of these rules, but it looked stunning and you know it would taste divine. Is paella therefore something that has to be 100% authentic? I don't know, my recipe respects tradition but both circumstance and personal taste resulted in a little unruliness.
A few tips from me and 'The Paella Company' I used to try and make my paella genuine:

• Unless you have some rabbit or snails on hand to replace it, omit the chicken. It adds too much faff to the whole procedure and along with the strong flavours of seafood and saffron, you don't need it.
• Purchase the right rice- it's simply called paella rice and that's how you'll find it in most supermarkets, but if you're lucky and budget isn't such a problem, you can buy the brand 'Bomba'. It's Spain's favourite and can absorb three times its volume of stock. Arborio and sushi rice are similar, so you can use them instead. 
• Don't be tempted to recreate the gorgeous colour of paella with turmeric or just paprika, it's a bite out of the wallet but saffron is essential for flavour.
• It might be worth buying a good paella pan for this- it distributes the heat the best throughout the dish and is beautiful in itself. And also, it is just a wide, deep metal frying pan and can be used for as many things as the description suggests. The pan can be a big attractive frying pan to cook a killer brunch and I'm sure you can think of any number of other uses. If not, use a good, thick enamel cast iron pan- the kind Le Creuset or (luckily) Sainsbury's sell.
• A paella pan cooks things at an intense heat, so go gentle on the flame.
• You may find that you need to move the pan around the flame so all the rice is cooked evenly. 
• Once rice is added to the stock, you may not stir. This is because paella rice is similar to risotto rice (arborio) and when it's stirred it releases starch and goes creamy, incorrect for paella. Like caramel, you may gently swirl the pan to distribute rice but you are forbidden to stir.
• Don't cook seafood with the rice, cook it separately then adorn the surface with the fish before you serve.
• You can use white wine in this, which is more authentic, but I don't like white wine, so I go for a rich cream or Amontadillo sherry. 
• This is fabulous for when you have people over, but I think this is perfectly doable for everyday, too.
• This is my own personal gripe about pronunciation, but in the Spanish language a double 'l' is pronounced with a 'y', so pronounce this dish 'pie-eh-ya' not 'pie-ella'.

1)Finely slice 100g chorizo (please don't shudder) and then fry over medium-high heat in a paella pan until crispy, and lots of its paprika tinted oil has been left behind. Transfer this to a plate.

2)You're now going to prepare a concentrated tomato base called 'Sofrito'. Finely slice an onion and fry until soft gently in the chorizo oil. Add 1 can of chopped tomatoes and 4 cloves crushed garlic (best to add it here so it can't burn). Fry viciously until it reduces and you're left with a thick, intensely red paste. 

3)Add 1 litre chicken or fish stock, 1 small glass cream sherry, salt and pepper to taste and a good pinch or two of saffron soaked in 2 tbsp hot water, and obviously stir in the chorizo that's been waiting patiently on its plate, 100g each frozen green beans or peas and broad beans and 1 tsp sweet smoked paprika. Bring to the boil.

4)Sprinkle over 250g paella rice evenly, shake the pan very gently until the rice is dispersed evenly. 

5)Leave over a fairly low heat for about 10 minutes covered with either foil or a big baking sheet or, indeed, a lid, until the rice has absorbed nearly all of the liquid. If the rice is still floating in lots of liquid then just leave it on the heat until it absorbs the excess.

6)Switch off the heat, and leave to rest for at least 10 minutes. 

7)Cook some defrosted frozen baby squid, cut into ringlets and also keep its tentacles and frozen king prawns until fully cooked with 3 sliced spring onions and a deseeded red chilli in a little olive oil until everything is just cooked. I used Californian baby squid which was wonderful, apart from excreting a strange pink semen after it was fully cooked. Set aside whilst you prepare the pièce de résistance. 

8)I didn't quite get this right admittedly, but here's what The Paella Company tells you to do. To create the caramelised, sticky rice at the bottom of the pan, called 'Socorrat', turn up the heat to full under the rice and it should make a 'popping' sound. After just 30 seconds or so, switch off the heat.

9)To serve, sprinkle with chopped parsley and wedged lemons. Don't serve piping hot, if it's still very hot after resting, leave to come to slightly cooler but still warm.