Go-to Guacamole

It seems ridiculous that I make and eat guacamole so often, but have never taken the time to tell you how I do it. Because after all, you can't Google how to make guacamole, you need the rich culinary skill of me to tell you how.
Yes, fair enough, I don't really change up a traditional guacamole enough to warrant such a detailed recipe, but I eat and make guacamole for parties, snacks and often dinner as a whole. It's (far too importantly) woven into the fabric of my life, so why shouldn't I share how I do it?: On the whole, I usually don't include a tomato as I don't often have them in the house, but if you want to you have to go through the stressful ordeal of peeling, deseeding and finely chopping it. Score a cross on two tomatoes' butts and blanch them (boiling water straight to cold water). Peel them, chop in half, scoop out the seeds and finely chop the remaining flesh. Incorporate it into the guacamole by throwing it over everything mashed at the end and don't mix it in as it looks quite unappetising when it's caked in the green mush. Use spring onions over white or red as the flavour is milder and you don't get onion breath (although I'm not promising anything). If you're lucky enough to get your hands on a molcajete (Mexican pestle and mortar) make and serve it in that; I'm unfortunately yet to have one. Note: I am lucky enough to now have one, speaking from 2017 moi, thank you Mum for the fabulous Christmas present! Other than that, use a wide bowl as a wide one is more likely to contain the dip with everything evenly dispersed. Anyway, this is not a strict Mexican dish, it's very open to your own interpretation...
1)Chop up 1 deseeded green jalapeño. I find the easiest way to do this is to slice off the head, slice it in half vertically, and scoop out the pith and seeds with a teaspoon. Wash your hands thoroughly and don't go near the eyes or downstairs region. Chop up the stalks of coriander, which are so often ignored, keeping the leaves for afterwards, and finely chop three spring onions. Also finely mince two garlic cloves. Have all the pieces very fine so you get a bit in each mouthful.
2)Halve two limes, squeeze the juice out, a fork is easiest to do this in my opinion, but please suit yourself.
3)I heard Chris Evans say his wife had come up with a new way to chop up an avocado, he believed it was a revolution. I feel like letting him know that it's the way everyone does avocados, including me. Chop around the avocado in half, twist the two halves apart, stab the stone, twist it to remove. In your hand, cut a cross-hatch to the skin of the avocado,  and use a spoon to scoop out the flesh. Immediately throw over the lime juice to stop it browning, and mash it through with everything else (including the coriander leaves from before) but not too smooth, you want some texture. Add the sea salt here, as I like it to keep some crunch. I also like a bit of sour cream or natural yoghurt here too, it makes it creamier and more amalgamated. Taste to see if it needs more salt or lime or heat, and serve with tortilla chips and the chopped leaves of coriander over the top.